About this Blog

I always worried that making a blog was a narcissistic thing to do and I am sure that to some extent it probably is but I am trying my best to steer away from that. One can only be narcissistic if one is in love with oneself surely and I am not in love with myself. That is not to say that I am not okay with myself but I do know my shortcomings (of which there are many) so any attempts at narcissism are quickly nipped in the ‘bud’.

My reasons for writing this blog are multiple but the main reason is that I am an artist and an artist must show. I still find it hard to say that and believe it but I know in some place deep inside me that it is true. For some reason though, I find it very difficult to produce and even more terrifying to get my stuff out there. This blog is an attempt to break both of those barriers down. I am trying to return to the world, trying to recover from the beauty I once discovered in the inner world. This ‘beauty’ was so incredibly alluring that I could not turn away from it and it led me further and further away from the outer world, from other people and from life itself until I literally stood on the edge of death. It is not unlike becoming addicted to a drug and now being in recovery.  Part of that recovery process is this blog. By posting my poetry, my art and my autobiographical journal (under the ‘inner exploration’ category) and eventually my music, I am slowly getting myself out there. It feels a little like climbing out into the light, as if I have been inside a cave for years and am now emerging. Everything is still a bit too bright and scary and I feel disoriented but I am gradually getting my bearings. I do believe that we all should shine ourselves into the world. Self-expression is absolutely vital for a hundred reasons but it is also frightening. I tried to start a blog several times in the past but I would balk at the last minute. It’s terrifying to put yourself out there but this time I think I am ready and I will not back down.

One might wonder why, if this is an artist’s blog, I am writing what amounts to a journal of sorts. The reason is that my life experiences, especially the inner ones, have informed my art and poetry and music and it is difficult to understand the latter without some idea of what the former entails. In a way my life story is my art. If art (as I see it) is self-expression – without self-indulgence mind you – then describing my inner journeys is a form of art.  I believe that some people are explorers of the world ‘out there’, even pioneers;and then there are others who explore the world within. The latter are often artists or writers and of course psychologists, mystics and the like. Explorers are also cartographers. They try to map out the territory they find. In the same way I feel the urge to share what I have experienced because recording my experiences is not unlike creating a partial map of the inner world. Others who adventure into that place might possibly encounter places and things I encountered and with my map and the maps of others, their journey might be assisted.

It is also important that I point out that I am not advocating any particular religious standpoint. My journeys were an exploration. I keep referring to the ‘explorer’ analogy because it is so highly appropriate. My reasons for venturing into those other worlds were a mixture of curiosity and the hope that I would find myself and meaning there. I am still an explorer. I have not made my home anywhere. I cannot call myself a Christian or a Buddhist or a Muslim. I am culturally Christian and for this reason much of the symbolism from my psyche has Christian overtones. But please know that I am not trying to promote any one religion.

Please feel free to post comments even if you do not know me. I am expressing myself here because I want to break the silence that exists between people. I want to speak of the things that we fear to speak of. So speak to me if you wish.

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